| maybe i just don't try hard enough [message #81361] |
Sat, 10 March 2007 03:56  |
rick
Messages: 1976
Registered: February 2006
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Senior Member |
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The Idiot Report...... ..
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into
the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation
happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order
to
kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room
right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal
a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of
the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the
chopper
was homing in on the emergency locator beacon
that activated when the
raft
was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
branch
and
wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
line,
waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone
had
seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached
the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street
to
the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed
his
note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his
stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and
that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back
to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK,"
and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank
of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
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Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in
the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he
sent
the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained
another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his
$40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all
of
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag,
the
robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she
didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the
man
was in
fact over 21, and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran
from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address
of
the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
hours
later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled
first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that
he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze,
and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It
seems
the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was
caught
on
videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
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