| Oil change fr men and women [message #83687] |
Wed, 25 April 2007 08:50  |
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Deej [4]
Messages: 1292
Registered: January 2007
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Senior Member |
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Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches
3000 miles since the last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a
properly maintained
vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store
and buy a case of oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented
tree, write a check for
$50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a
check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack
stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot
oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of
face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a
screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil
filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter
among trash in trash can
to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a
thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on
the floor. Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill.
Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes.
Wipe eyes with oily rag
used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent
wrench tightening drain
plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
skin between knuckles
and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit
bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop
blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to
fresh oil spilled during any
missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for dri ving under the
influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total $4,145.00
(But you know the job was done right!)
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| Re: Oil change fr men and women [message #83698 is a reply to message #83687] |
Wed, 25 April 2007 13:02  |
DC
Messages: 722
Registered: July 2005
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Senior Member |
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And here's WHY men end up in those boondoggles...
We go to Jiffy Lube once, and the pud minimum-wage pissed-off
and burned-out mechanic doesn't bother to remove the old
gasket as he installs his POS generic filter, and sends you on
your way...
So, you notice a leak, and you trace it to the oil filter canister.
You pull it out, and find the 2 gaskets jammed up in there, and
go complain to the manager at JL. He shrugs and gives you
a discount coupon...
So we aging men, wait for specials at the friendly dealer and
take it there, because we'd rather mess around with our
bloody COMPUTERS than our cars anyway.
Women? When the engine blows up, they call a lawyer and
2 years later they own JL.
heh
DC
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