Home » The PARIS Forums » PARIS: Main » OT: Non Partisan funny
| OT: Non Partisan funny [message #96158] |
Thu, 21 February 2008 21:05  |
Aaron Allen
Messages: 1988
Registered: May 2008
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Senior Member |
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While walking down the street one day a US
senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
the Golden Gate.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
around these parts,
you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
problem, just
let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
have orders from
higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
in hell and one in
heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
eternity." "Really, I've made
up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
senator. "I'm sorry, but
we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
and he goes down,
down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
himself in the middle
of a green golf course. In the distance is a
clubhouse and standing in
front of it are all his friends and other politicians
who had worked
with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
to greet him,
shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
a friendly game of golf
and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very
friendly guy who has a
good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
such a good time
that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
the elevator
rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
contented souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
singing. They have a
good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
have gone by and St.
Peter returns.
"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
"Well, I would
never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
delightful, but I think
I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now
there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
were campaigning...... Today you voted."
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| Re: OT: Non Partisan funny [message #96165 is a reply to message #96158] |
Fri, 22 February 2008 03:00  |
rick
Messages: 1976
Registered: February 2006
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Senior Member |
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i don't get it...must be the vicodin. ;o)
On Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:05:52 -0600, "Aaron Allen"
<know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote:
>While walking down the street one day a US
>senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
>His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
>the Golden Gate.
>
>"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
>settle in, it seems
> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
>around these parts,
> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
>problem, just
> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
>have orders from
> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
>in hell and one in
> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
>eternity." "Really, I've made
> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
>senator. "I'm sorry, but
> we have our rules."
>
>And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
>and he goes down,
> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
>himself in the middle
> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
>clubhouse and standing in
> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
>who had worked
> with him.
>
>Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
>to greet him,
> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
>they had while
> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
>a friendly game of golf
> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>
>Also present is the devil, who really is a very
>friendly guy who has a
> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
>such a good time
> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>
>Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
>the elevator
> rises...
>
>The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
>heaven where St.
> Peter is waiting for him.
>
>"Now it's time to visit heaven."
>
>So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
>contented souls
> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
>singing. They have a
> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
>have gone by and St.
> Peter returns.
>
>"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
>heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>
>The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
>"Well, I would
> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
>delightful, but I think
> I would be better off in hell."
>
>So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
>down, down, down to hell.
>
>Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
>middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>
>He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
>the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
>above.
>
>The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
>his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
>I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
>lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now
>there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
>What happened?"
>
>The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
>were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>
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| Re: OT: Non Partisan funny [message #96180 is a reply to message #96165] |
Fri, 22 February 2008 13:21 |
Deej [5]
Messages: 373
Registered: March 2008
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Senior Member |
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My Phenergan/Codiene cough syrup can kick your Vicodin's butt any day.
"rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:uhatr3leus43r9373l4j1luoi4mjf0la1s@4ax.com...
>i don't get it...must be the vicodin. ;o)
>
>
>
> On Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:05:52 -0600, "Aaron Allen"
> <know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote:
>
>>While walking down the street one day a US
>>senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
>>His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
>>the Golden Gate.
>>
>>"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
>>settle in, it seems
>> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
>>around these parts,
>> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
>>problem, just
>> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
>>have orders from
>> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
>>in hell and one in
>> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
>>eternity." "Really, I've made
>> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
>>senator. "I'm sorry, but
>> we have our rules."
>>
>>And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
>>and he goes down,
>> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
>>himself in the middle
>> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
>>clubhouse and standing in
>> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
>>who had worked
>> with him.
>>
>>Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
>>to greet him,
>> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
>>they had while
>> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
>>a friendly game of golf
>> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>>
>>Also present is the devil, who really is a very
>>friendly guy who has a
>> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
>>such a good time
>> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>>
>>Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
>>the elevator
>> rises...
>>
>>The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
>>heaven where St.
>> Peter is waiting for him.
>>
>>"Now it's time to visit heaven."
>>
>>So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
>>contented souls
>> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
>>singing. They have a
>> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
>>have gone by and St.
>> Peter returns.
>>
>>"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
>>heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>>
>>The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
>>"Well, I would
>> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
>>delightful, but I think
>> I would be better off in hell."
>>
>>So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
>>down, down, down to hell.
>>
>>Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
>>middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>>
>>He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
>>the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
>>above.
>>
>>The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
>>his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
>>I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
>>lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now
>>there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
>>What happened?"
>>
>>The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
>>were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>>
>
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| Re: OT: Non Partisan funny [message #96222 is a reply to message #96180] |
Sat, 23 February 2008 02:13 |
rick
Messages: 1976
Registered: February 2006
|
Senior Member |
|
|
i don't see what's so great about the big V; 2 aspirin seem to do more
for me than the Vicodin ES.
On Fri, 22 Feb 2008 14:21:05 -0700, "Mr. Simplicity" <noway@jose.net>
wrote:
>My Phenergan/Codiene cough syrup can kick your Vicodin's butt any day.
>
>
>"rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>news:uhatr3leus43r9373l4j1luoi4mjf0la1s@4ax.com...
>>i don't get it...must be the vicodin. ;o)
>>
>>
>>
>> On Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:05:52 -0600, "Aaron Allen"
>> <know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote:
>>
>>>While walking down the street one day a US
>>>senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
>>>His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
>>>the Golden Gate.
>>>
>>>"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
>>>settle in, it seems
>>> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
>>>around these parts,
>>> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
>>>problem, just
>>> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
>>>have orders from
>>> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
>>>in hell and one in
>>> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
>>>eternity." "Really, I've made
>>> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
>>>senator. "I'm sorry, but
>>> we have our rules."
>>>
>>>And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
>>>and he goes down,
>>> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
>>>himself in the middle
>>> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
>>>clubhouse and standing in
>>> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
>>>who had worked
>>> with him.
>>>
>>>Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
>>>to greet him,
>>> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
>>>they had while
>>> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
>>>a friendly game of golf
>>> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>>>
>>>Also present is the devil, who really is a very
>>>friendly guy who has a
>>> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
>>>such a good time
>>> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>>>
>>>Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
>>>the elevator
>>> rises...
>>>
>>>The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
>>>heaven where St.
>>> Peter is waiting for him.
>>>
>>>"Now it's time to visit heaven."
>>>
>>>So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
>>>contented souls
>>> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
>>>singing. They have a
>>> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
>>>have gone by and St.
>>> Peter returns.
>>>
>>>"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
>>>heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>>>
>>>The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
>>>"Well, I would
>>> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
>>>delightful, but I think
>>> I would be better off in hell."
>>>
>>>So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
>>>down, down, down to hell.
>>>
>>>Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
>>>middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>>>
>>>He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
>>>the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
>>>above.
>>>
>>>The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
>>>his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
>>>I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
>>>lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now
>>>there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
>>>What happened?"
>>>
>>>The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
>>>were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>>>
>>
>
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| Re: OT: Non Partisan funny [message #96238 is a reply to message #96222] |
Sat, 23 February 2008 10:26 |
Deej [5]
Messages: 373
Registered: March 2008
|
Senior Member |
|
|
You need to get you some of that Oxycontin stuff. It will be your friend
really quick and forever if you're not careful.
Does it ever bother you that we. the public, can now tell doctors what
prescription drugs we think they should prescribe for us thanks to TV ads?
"rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:v8svr3tv0ka7kugogtk9u11l1t65h2luto@4ax.com...
>i don't see what's so great about the big V; 2 aspirin seem to do more
> for me than the Vicodin ES.
>
> On Fri, 22 Feb 2008 14:21:05 -0700, "Mr. Simplicity" <noway@jose.net>
> wrote:
>
>>My Phenergan/Codiene cough syrup can kick your Vicodin's butt any day.
>>
>>
>>"rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>>news:uhatr3leus43r9373l4j1luoi4mjf0la1s@4ax.com...
>>>i don't get it...must be the vicodin. ;o)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> On Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:05:52 -0600, "Aaron Allen"
>>> <know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote:
>>>
>>>>While walking down the street one day a US
>>>>senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
>>>>His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
>>>>the Golden Gate.
>>>>
>>>>"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
>>>>settle in, it seems
>>>> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
>>>>around these parts,
>>>> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
>>>>problem, just
>>>> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
>>>>have orders from
>>>> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
>>>>in hell and one in
>>>> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
>>>>eternity." "Really, I've made
>>>> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
>>>>senator. "I'm sorry, but
>>>> we have our rules."
>>>>
>>>>And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
>>>>and he goes down,
>>>> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
>>>>himself in the middle
>>>> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
>>>>clubhouse and standing in
>>>> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
>>>>who had worked
>>>> with him.
>>>>
>>>>Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
>>>>to greet him,
>>>> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
>>>>they had while
>>>> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
>>>>a friendly game of golf
>>>> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>>>>
>>>>Also present is the devil, who really is a very
>>>>friendly guy who has a
>>>> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
>>>>such a good time
>>>> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>>>>
>>>>Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
>>>>the elevator
>>>> rises...
>>>>
>>>>The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
>>>>heaven where St.
>>>> Peter is waiting for him.
>>>>
>>>>"Now it's time to visit heaven."
>>>>
>>>>So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
>>>>contented souls
>>>> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
>>>>singing. They have a
>>>> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
>>>>have gone by and St.
>>>> Peter returns.
>>>>
>>>>"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
>>>>heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>>>>
>>>>The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
>>>>"Well, I would
>>>> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
>>>>delightful, but I think
>>>> I would be better off in hell."
>>>>
>>>>So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
>>>>down, down, down to hell.
>>>>
>>>>Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
>>>>middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>>>>
>>>>He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
>>>>the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
>>>>above.
>>>>
>>>>The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
>>>>his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
>>>>I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
>>>>lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.
>>>>Now
>>>>there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
>>>>What happened?"
>>>>
>>>>The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
>>>>were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>>>>
>>>
>>
>
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| Re: OT: Non Partisan funny [message #96249 is a reply to message #96238] |
Sat, 23 February 2008 13:23 |
Bill L
Messages: 766
Registered: August 2006
|
Senior Member |
|
|
TV = The Electronic Medicine Show. If you don't think the huge dollars
they spend affect news coverage, think again. More Americans die every
year from adverse effects of correctly administered pharmaceuticals than
in the entire Vietnam war. Seen any coverage of that on The Electronic
Medicine Show lately? Hmmm. Doubt it.
Mr. Simplicity wrote:
> You need to get you some of that Oxycontin stuff. It will be your friend
> really quick and forever if you're not careful.
>
> Does it ever bother you that we. the public, can now tell doctors what
> prescription drugs we think they should prescribe for us thanks to TV ads?
>
>
>
> "rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:v8svr3tv0ka7kugogtk9u11l1t65h2luto@4ax.com...
>> i don't see what's so great about the big V; 2 aspirin seem to do more
>> for me than the Vicodin ES.
>>
>> On Fri, 22 Feb 2008 14:21:05 -0700, "Mr. Simplicity" <noway@jose.net>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> My Phenergan/Codiene cough syrup can kick your Vicodin's butt any day.
>>>
>>>
>>> "rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>>> news:uhatr3leus43r9373l4j1luoi4mjf0la1s@4ax.com...
>>>> i don't get it...must be the vicodin. ;o)
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:05:52 -0600, "Aaron Allen"
>>>> <know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> While walking down the street one day a US
>>>>> senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
>>>>> His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
>>>>> the Golden Gate.
>>>>>
>>>>> "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
>>>>> settle in, it seems
>>>>> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
>>>>> around these parts,
>>>>> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
>>>>> problem, just
>>>>> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
>>>>> have orders from
>>>>> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
>>>>> in hell and one in
>>>>> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
>>>>> eternity." "Really, I've made
>>>>> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
>>>>> senator. "I'm sorry, but
>>>>> we have our rules."
>>>>>
>>>>> And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
>>>>> and he goes down,
>>>>> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
>>>>> himself in the middle
>>>>> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
>>>>> clubhouse and standing in
>>>>> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
>>>>> who had worked
>>>>> with him.
>>>>>
>>>>> Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
>>>>> to greet him,
>>>>> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
>>>>> they had while
>>>>> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
>>>>> a friendly game of golf
>>>>> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>>>>>
>>>>> Also present is the devil, who really is a very
>>>>> friendly guy who has a
>>>>> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
>>>>> such a good time
>>>>> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>>>>>
>>>>> Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
>>>>> the elevator
>>>>> rises...
>>>>>
>>>>> The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
>>>>> heaven where St.
>>>>> Peter is waiting for him.
>>>>>
>>>>> "Now it's time to visit heaven."
>>>>>
>>>>> So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
>>>>> contented souls
>>>>> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
>>>>> singing. They have a
>>>>> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
>>>>> have gone by and St.
>>>>> Peter returns.
>>>>>
>>>>> "Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
>>>>> heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>>>>>
>>>>> The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
>>>>> "Well, I would
>>>>> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
>>>>> delightful, but I think
>>>>> I would be better off in hell."
>>>>>
>>>>> So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
>>>>> down, down, down to hell.
>>>>>
>>>>> Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
>>>>> middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>>>>>
>>>>> He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
>>>>> the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
>>>>> above.
>>>>>
>>>>> The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
>>>>> his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
>>>>> I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
>>>>> lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.
>>>>> Now
>>>>> there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
>>>>> What happened?"
>>>>>
>>>>> The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
>>>>> were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>>>>>
>
>
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| Re: OT: Non Partisan funny [message #96251 is a reply to message #96249] |
Sat, 23 February 2008 15:17 |
Aaron Allen
Messages: 1988
Registered: May 2008
|
Senior Member |
|
|
I hate the drug companies man. Fentanyl is the current thing they have my
girlfriend on and it just got a recall for some, er.. adverse... reactions
to a bad batch of it.
This is some of the nastiest stuff I've seen. It could kill her son simply
by touching the patch, or her if it's not put on "properly".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fentanyl
"Bill L" <bill@billlorentzen.com> wrote in message news:47c091e6$1@linux...
> TV = The Electronic Medicine Show. If you don't think the huge dollars
> they spend affect news coverage, think again. More Americans die every
> year from adverse effects of correctly administered pharmaceuticals than
> in the entire Vietnam war. Seen any coverage of that on The Electronic
> Medicine Show lately? Hmmm. Doubt it.
>
> Mr. Simplicity wrote:
>> You need to get you some of that Oxycontin stuff. It will be your friend
>> really quick and forever if you're not careful.
>>
>> Does it ever bother you that we. the public, can now tell doctors what
>> prescription drugs we think they should prescribe for us thanks to TV
>> ads?
>>
>>
>>
>> "rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>> news:v8svr3tv0ka7kugogtk9u11l1t65h2luto@4ax.com...
>>> i don't see what's so great about the big V; 2 aspirin seem to do more
>>> for me than the Vicodin ES.
>>>
>>> On Fri, 22 Feb 2008 14:21:05 -0700, "Mr. Simplicity" <noway@jose.net>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> My Phenergan/Codiene cough syrup can kick your Vicodin's butt any day.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> "rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>>>> news:uhatr3leus43r9373l4j1luoi4mjf0la1s@4ax.com...
>>>>> i don't get it...must be the vicodin. ;o)
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> On Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:05:52 -0600, "Aaron Allen"
>>>>> <know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> While walking down the street one day a US
>>>>>> senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
>>>>>> His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
>>>>>> the Golden Gate.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
>>>>>> settle in, it seems
>>>>>> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
>>>>>> around these parts,
>>>>>> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
>>>>>> problem, just
>>>>>> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
>>>>>> have orders from
>>>>>> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
>>>>>> in hell and one in
>>>>>> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
>>>>>> eternity." "Really, I've made
>>>>>> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
>>>>>> senator. "I'm sorry, but
>>>>>> we have our rules."
>>>>>>
>>>>>> And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
>>>>>> and he goes down,
>>>>>> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
>>>>>> himself in the middle
>>>>>> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
>>>>>> clubhouse and standing in
>>>>>> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
>>>>>> who had worked
>>>>>> with him.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
>>>>>> to greet him,
>>>>>> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
>>>>>> they had while
>>>>>> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
>>>>>> a friendly game of golf
>>>>>> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Also present is the devil, who really is a very
>>>>>> friendly guy who has a
>>>>>> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
>>>>>> such a good time
>>>>>> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
>>>>>> the elevator
>>>>>> rises...
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
>>>>>> heaven where St.
>>>>>> Peter is waiting for him.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> "Now it's time to visit heaven."
>>>>>>
>>>>>> So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
>>>>>> contented souls
>>>>>> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
>>>>>> singing. They have a
>>>>>> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
>>>>>> have gone by and St.
>>>>>> Peter returns.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> "Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
>>>>>> heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
>>>>>> "Well, I would
>>>>>> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
>>>>>> delightful, but I think
>>>>>> I would be better off in hell."
>>>>>>
>>>>>> So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
>>>>>> down, down, down to hell.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
>>>>>> middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
>>>>>> the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
>>>>>> above.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
>>>>>> his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator.
>>>>>> "Yesterday
>>>>>> I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
>>>>>> lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.
>>>>>> Now
>>>>>> there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look
>>>>>> miserable.
>>>>>> What happened?"
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
>>>>>> were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>>>>>>
>>
|
|
|
|
| Re: OT: Non Partisan funny [message #96257 is a reply to message #96238] |
Sun, 24 February 2008 02:27 |
rick
Messages: 1976
Registered: February 2006
|
Senior Member |
|
|
yeah it bothers me that some doctors will allow that to happen.
actually the post op pain is was less than the pre op daily
grind...for which i took nothing but the 81mg aspirin you would do for
the heart thing.
this typing with a hand that looks like a cows udder is a bit tedious
though.
On Sat, 23 Feb 2008 11:26:35 -0700, "Mr. Simplicity" <noway@jose.net>
wrote:
>You need to get you some of that Oxycontin stuff. It will be your friend
>really quick and forever if you're not careful.
>
>Does it ever bother you that we. the public, can now tell doctors what
>prescription drugs we think they should prescribe for us thanks to TV ads?
>
>
>
>"rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>news:v8svr3tv0ka7kugogtk9u11l1t65h2luto@4ax.com...
>>i don't see what's so great about the big V; 2 aspirin seem to do more
>> for me than the Vicodin ES.
>>
>> On Fri, 22 Feb 2008 14:21:05 -0700, "Mr. Simplicity" <noway@jose.net>
>> wrote:
>>
>>>My Phenergan/Codiene cough syrup can kick your Vicodin's butt any day.
>>>
>>>
>>>"rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>>>news:uhatr3leus43r9373l4j1luoi4mjf0la1s@4ax.com...
>>>>i don't get it...must be the vicodin. ;o)
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:05:52 -0600, "Aaron Allen"
>>>> <know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>>While walking down the street one day a US
>>>>>senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
>>>>>His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
>>>>>the Golden Gate.
>>>>>
>>>>>"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
>>>>>settle in, it seems
>>>>> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
>>>>>around these parts,
>>>>> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
>>>>>problem, just
>>>>> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
>>>>>have orders from
>>>>> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
>>>>>in hell and one in
>>>>> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
>>>>>eternity." "Really, I've made
>>>>> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
>>>>>senator. "I'm sorry, but
>>>>> we have our rules."
>>>>>
>>>>>And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
>>>>>and he goes down,
>>>>> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
>>>>>himself in the middle
>>>>> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
>>>>>clubhouse and standing in
>>>>> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
>>>>>who had worked
>>>>> with him.
>>>>>
>>>>>Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
>>>>>to greet him,
>>>>> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
>>>>>they had while
>>>>> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
>>>>>a friendly game of golf
>>>>> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>>>>>
>>>>>Also present is the devil, who really is a very
>>>>>friendly guy who has a
>>>>> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
>>>>>such a good time
>>>>> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>>>>>
>>>>>Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
>>>>>the elevator
>>>>> rises...
>>>>>
>>>>>The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
>>>>>heaven where St.
>>>>> Peter is waiting for him.
>>>>>
>>>>>"Now it's time to visit heaven."
>>>>>
>>>>>So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
>>>>>contented souls
>>>>> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
>>>>>singing. They have a
>>>>> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
>>>>>have gone by and St.
>>>>> Peter returns.
>>>>>
>>>>>"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
>>>>>heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>>>>>
>>>>>The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
>>>>>"Well, I would
>>>>> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
>>>>>delightful, but I think
>>>>> I would be better off in hell."
>>>>>
>>>>>So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
>>>>>down, down, down to hell.
>>>>>
>>>>>Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
>>>>>middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>>>>>
>>>>>He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
>>>>>the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
>>>>>above.
>>>>>
>>>>>The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
>>>>>his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
>>>>>I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
>>>>>lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.
>>>>>Now
>>>>>there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
>>>>>What happened?"
>>>>>
>>>>>The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
>>>>>were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>
>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Re: Non Partisan funny [message #96318 is a reply to message #96158] |
Tue, 26 February 2008 19:18 |
Rich Lamanna
Messages: 316
Registered: February 2006
|
Senior Member |
|
|
OMG, that's the truth. Good one Aaron.
Rich
"Aaron Allen" <know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote in message
news:47be5b5c$1@linux...
> While walking down the street one day a US
> senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
> His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
> the Golden Gate.
>
> "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
> settle in, it seems
> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
> around these parts,
> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
> problem, just
> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
> have orders from
> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
> in hell and one in
> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
> eternity." "Really, I've made
> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
> senator. "I'm sorry, but
> we have our rules."
>
> And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
> and he goes down,
> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
> himself in the middle
> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
> clubhouse and standing in
> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
> who had worked
> with him.
>
> Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
> to greet him,
> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
> they had while
> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
> a friendly game of golf
> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>
> Also present is the devil, who really is a very
> friendly guy who has a
> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
> such a good time
> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>
> Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
> the elevator
> rises...
>
> The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
> heaven where St.
> Peter is waiting for him.
>
> "Now it's time to visit heaven."
>
> So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
> contented souls
> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
> singing. They have a
> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
> have gone by and St.
> Peter returns.
>
> "Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
> heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>
> The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
> "Well, I would
> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
> delightful, but I think
> I would be better off in hell."
>
> So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
> down, down, down to hell.
>
> Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
> middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>
> He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
> the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
> above.
>
> The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
> his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
> I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
> lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now
> there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
> What happened?"
>
> The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
> were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>
>
|
|
|
|
| Re: Non Partisan funny [message #96330 is a reply to message #96158] |
Wed, 27 February 2008 00:53 |
Sarah
Messages: 608
Registered: February 2007
|
Senior Member |
|
|
Yeah! Perfect. :)
S
"Aaron Allen" <know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote in message
news:47be5b5c$1@linux...
> While walking down the street one day a US
> senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
> His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
> the Golden Gate.
>
> "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
> settle in, it seems
> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
> around these parts,
> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
> problem, just
> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
> have orders from
> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
> in hell and one in
> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
> eternity." "Really, I've made
> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
> senator. "I'm sorry, but
> we have our rules."
>
> And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
> and he goes down,
> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
> himself in the middle
> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
> clubhouse and standing in
> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
> who had worked
> with him.
>
> Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
> to greet him,
> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
> they had while
> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
> a friendly game of golf
> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>
> Also present is the devil, who really is a very
> friendly guy who has a
> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
> such a good time
> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>
> Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
> the elevator
> rises...
>
> The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
> heaven where St.
> Peter is waiting for him.
>
> "Now it's time to visit heaven."
>
> So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
> contented souls
> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
> singing. They have a
> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
> have gone by and St.
> Peter returns.
>
> "Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
> heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>
> The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
> "Well, I would
> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
> delightful, but I think
> I would be better off in hell."
>
> So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
> down, down, down to hell.
>
> Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
> middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>
> He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
> the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
> above.
>
> The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
> his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
> I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
> lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now
> there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
> What happened?"
>
> The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
> were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>
|
|
|
|
| Re: OT: Non Partisan funny [message #96331 is a reply to message #96249] |
Wed, 27 February 2008 00:59 |
Sarah
Messages: 608
Registered: February 2007
|
Senior Member |
|
|
Yeah, funny how we revile drug pushers, yet allow the country to be run by
the biggest drug pushers of all.
By the way, speaking of side effects, my latest favorite I saw on the back
of a box of "Alli", which is a fat absorption blocking OTC weight loss
product. Included in the list of side effects is "gas with oily spotting."
I must have looked a little crazy laughing out loud in the store while
reading this.
Gas with oily spotting. That should be a band name, or song title or
something.
S
"Bill L" <bill@billlorentzen.com> wrote in message news:47c091e6$1@linux...
> TV = The Electronic Medicine Show. If you don't think the huge dollars
> they spend affect news coverage, think again. More Americans die every
> year from adverse effects of correctly administered pharmaceuticals than
> in the entire Vietnam war. Seen any coverage of that on The Electronic
> Medicine Show lately? Hmmm. Doubt it.
>
> Mr. Simplicity wrote:
>> You need to get you some of that Oxycontin stuff. It will be your friend
>> really quick and forever if you're not careful.
>>
>> Does it ever bother you that we. the public, can now tell doctors what
>> prescription drugs we think they should prescribe for us thanks to TV
>> ads?
>>
>>
>>
>> "rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>> news:v8svr3tv0ka7kugogtk9u11l1t65h2luto@4ax.com...
>>> i don't see what's so great about the big V; 2 aspirin seem to do more
>>> for me than the Vicodin ES.
>>>
>>> On Fri, 22 Feb 2008 14:21:05 -0700, "Mr. Simplicity" <noway@jose.net>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> My Phenergan/Codiene cough syrup can kick your Vicodin's butt any day.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> "rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>>>> news:uhatr3leus43r9373l4j1luoi4mjf0la1s@4ax.com...
>>>>> i don't get it...must be the vicodin. ;o)
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> On Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:05:52 -0600, "Aaron Allen"
>>>>> <know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> While walking down the street one day a US
>>>>>> senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
>>>>>> His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
>>>>>> the Golden Gate.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
>>>>>> settle in, it seems
>>>>>> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
>>>>>> around these parts,
>>>>>> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
>>>>>> problem, just
>>>>>> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
>>>>>> have orders from
>>>>>> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
>>>>>> in hell and one in
>>>>>> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
>>>>>> eternity." "Really, I've made
>>>>>> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
>>>>>> senator. "I'm sorry, but
>>>>>> we have our rules."
>>>>>>
>>>>>> And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
>>>>>> and he goes down,
>>>>>> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
>>>>>> himself in the middle
>>>>>> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
>>>>>> clubhouse and standing in
>>>>>> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
>>>>>> who had worked
>>>>>> with him.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
>>>>>> to greet him,
>>>>>> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
>>>>>> they had while
>>>>>> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
>>>>>> a friendly game of golf
>>>>>> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Also present is the devil, who really is a very
>>>>>> friendly guy who has a
>>>>>> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
>>>>>> such a good time
>>>>>> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
>>>>>> the elevator
>>>>>> rises...
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
>>>>>> heaven where St.
>>>>>> Peter is waiting for him.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> "Now it's time to visit heaven."
>>>>>>
>>>>>> So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
>>>>>> contented souls
>>>>>> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
>>>>>> singing. They have a
>>>>>> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
>>>>>> have gone by and St.
>>>>>> Peter returns.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> "Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
>>>>>> heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
>>>>>> "Well, I would
>>>>>> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
>>>>>> delightful, but I think
>>>>>> I would be better off in hell."
>>>>>>
>>>>>> So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
>>>>>> down, down, down to hell.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
>>>>>> middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
>>>>>> the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
>>>>>> above.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
>>>>>> his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator.
>>>>>> "Yesterday
>>>>>> I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
>>>>>> lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.
>>>>>> Now
>>>>>> there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look
>>>>>> miserable.
>>>>>> What happened?"
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
>>>>>> were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>>>>>>
>>
|
|
|
|
| Re: OT: Non Partisan funny [message #96332 is a reply to message #96331] |
Wed, 27 February 2008 01:44 |
rick
Messages: 1976
Registered: February 2006
|
Senior Member |
|
|
i think i like "naked with underwear" better
On Wed, 27 Feb 2008 00:59:36 -0800, "Sarah" <sarahjane@sarahtonin.com>
wrote:
>Yeah, funny how we revile drug pushers, yet allow the country to be run by
>the biggest drug pushers of all.
>
>By the way, speaking of side effects, my latest favorite I saw on the back
>of a box of "Alli", which is a fat absorption blocking OTC weight loss
>product. Included in the list of side effects is "gas with oily spotting."
>I must have looked a little crazy laughing out loud in the store while
>reading this.
>
>Gas with oily spotting. That should be a band name, or song title or
>something.
>
>S
>
>
>"Bill L" <bill@billlorentzen.com> wrote in message news:47c091e6$1@linux...
>> TV = The Electronic Medicine Show. If you don't think the huge dollars
>> they spend affect news coverage, think again. More Americans die every
>> year from adverse effects of correctly administered pharmaceuticals than
>> in the entire Vietnam war. Seen any coverage of that on The Electronic
>> Medicine Show lately? Hmmm. Doubt it.
>>
>> Mr. Simplicity wrote:
>>> You need to get you some of that Oxycontin stuff. It will be your friend
>>> really quick and forever if you're not careful.
>>>
>>> Does it ever bother you that we. the public, can now tell doctors what
>>> prescription drugs we think they should prescribe for us thanks to TV
>>> ads?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> "rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>>> news:v8svr3tv0ka7kugogtk9u11l1t65h2luto@4ax.com...
>>>> i don't see what's so great about the big V; 2 aspirin seem to do more
>>>> for me than the Vicodin ES.
>>>>
>>>> On Fri, 22 Feb 2008 14:21:05 -0700, "Mr. Simplicity" <noway@jose.net>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> My Phenergan/Codiene cough syrup can kick your Vicodin's butt any day.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> "rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>>>>> news:uhatr3leus43r9373l4j1luoi4mjf0la1s@4ax.com...
>>>>>> i don't get it...must be the vicodin. ;o)
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:05:52 -0600, "Aaron Allen"
>>>>>> <know-spam@not_here.dude> wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> While walking down the street one day a US
>>>>>>> senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
>>>>>>> His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
>>>>>>> the Golden Gate.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
>>>>>>> settle in, it seems
>>>>>>> there is a problem. We seldom see a high official
>>>>>>> around these parts,
>>>>>>> you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No
>>>>>>> problem, just
>>>>>>> let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I
>>>>>>> have orders from
>>>>>>> higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
>>>>>>> in hell and one in
>>>>>>> heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
>>>>>>> eternity." "Really, I've made
>>>>>>> up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
>>>>>>> senator. "I'm sorry, but
>>>>>>> we have our rules."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
>>>>>>> and he goes down,
>>>>>>> down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
>>>>>>> himself in the middle
>>>>>>> of a green golf course. In the distance is a
>>>>>>> clubhouse and standing in
>>>>>>> front of it are all his friends and other politicians
>>>>>>> who had worked
>>>>>>> with him.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run
>>>>>>> to greet him,
>>>>>>> shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
>>>>>>> they had while
>>>>>>> getting rich at the expense of the people. They play
>>>>>>> a friendly game of golf
>>>>>>> and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Also present is the devil, who really is a very
>>>>>>> friendly guy who has a
>>>>>>> good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
>>>>>>> such a good time
>>>>>>> that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
>>>>>>> the elevator
>>>>>>> rises...
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
>>>>>>> heaven where St.
>>>>>>> Peter is waiting for him.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> "Now it's time to visit heaven."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
>>>>>>> contented souls
>>>>>>> moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
>>>>>>> singing. They have a
>>>>>>> good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
>>>>>>> have gone by and St.
>>>>>>> Peter returns.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> "Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
>>>>>>> heaven. Now choose your eternity."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
>>>>>>> "Well, I would
>>>>>>> never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
>>>>>>> delightful, but I think
>>>>>>> I would be better off in hell."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
>>>>>>> down, down, down to hell.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
>>>>>>> middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up
>>>>>>> the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
>>>>>>> above.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
>>>>>>> his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator.
>>>>>>> "Yesterday
>>>>>>> I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
>>>>>>> lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.
>>>>>>> Now
>>>>>>> there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look
>>>>>>> miserable.
>>>>>>> What happened?"
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
>>>>>>> were campaigning...... Today you voted."
>>>>>>>
>>>
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