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| An old hillbilly farmer [message #82562] |
Tue, 03 April 2007 11:03  |
excelav
Messages: 2130
Registered: July 2005
Location: Metro Detroit
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Senior Member |
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> An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him
unmercifully. From
> morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always
complaining
> about something. The only time he got any relief was
when he was out
> plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
>
> One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him
lunch in the
> field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on
a stump, and
> began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began
harassing him
> again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
>
>
> All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind
feet; caught her
> smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the
spot.
>
> At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed
something rather
> odd: When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer,
he would listen
> for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a
man mourner
> approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake
his head in
> disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister
decided to ask the
> old farmer about it.
>
> So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old
farmer, and asked
> him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but
always shook
> his head and disagreed with all the men.
>
> The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and
say something
> about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress
was, so I'd nod
> my head in agreement."
>
> "And what about the men?" the minister asked.
>
> "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.
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| Old Jewish couple [message #82564 is a reply to message #82562] |
Tue, 03 April 2007 11:40  |
dc[3]
Messages: 895
Registered: September 2005
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Senior Member |
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Old Abe and Sophie have been married for 50 years, and one
day, Abe was caught having an affair.
Brokenhearted, Sophie ask Abe
How could you do this to me?
What does she do for you that I do not?
Abe cannot answer...
Tell me Abe, what does she do that I cannot??
Ok, Sophie, wellll she moans!
What moan? I can moan!
So, next time they are making love, Sophie asks:
Now I should moan?
No Sophie, not now...
a minute later
Now I should moan?
No Sophie, not now...
a minute later
Now I should moan?
No Sophie, not now...
Finally Abe says
Ok Sophie, moan now!
And of course, she goes:
OY VEY ! WHAT A DAY I HAVE HAD!!
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| Re: the bridge [message #82568 is a reply to message #82564] |
Tue, 03 April 2007 12:31 |
Deej [4]
Messages: 1292
Registered: January 2007
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Senior Member |
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A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you
have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over
anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the
bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will
nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me
to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think
of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our
wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she
gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says
nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
>
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| Re: The Priest, Pastor, and Rabbi [message #82578 is a reply to message #82568] |
Tue, 03 April 2007 16:16 |
Rod Lincoln
Messages: 883
Registered: September 2005
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Senior Member |
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A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbi were having lunch one day, when they started
discussing their methods of deciding what part of the offering received would
be used for them to live off of.
The Priest said “ I draw a line on the floor, and throw the money in the
air. What lands on my side of the line I keep to live off of, and what ever
lands on the other side, goes to God.
The Pastor said “I draw a circle on the floor, and throw the money in the
air. What lands inside the circle, I keep, what lands outside the circle
goes to God.
The Rabbi said, I just throw the money into the air, and God can keep what
he wants.
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| Re: the bridge [message #82587 is a reply to message #82568] |
Wed, 04 April 2007 02:59 |
rick
Messages: 1976
Registered: February 2006
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Senior Member |
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i read sleeping with fists this little tale...and now she's not
speaking to me...thanks pally.
On Tue, 3 Apr 2007 13:31:52 -0600, "DJ" <www.aarrrrggghhh!!!.com>
wrote:
>A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky
>clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you
>have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
>The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over
>anytime I want."
>The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
>challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the
>bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will
>nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me
>to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think
>of something that could possibly help mankind."
>The biker thought about it for a long time.
>
>
>Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our
>wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she
>gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says
>nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
>
>The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
>
>>
>
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| Re: the bridge [message #82588 is a reply to message #82587] |
Wed, 04 April 2007 04:18 |
Don Nafe
Messages: 1206
Registered: July 2005
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Senior Member |
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I feel for you Rick
heehehehe
Don
"rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:8mt613tfo9kifbt04asqtuvqg9gfeu6pij@4ax.com...
>i read sleeping with fists this little tale...and now she's not
> speaking to me...thanks pally.
>
>
>
> On Tue, 3 Apr 2007 13:31:52 -0600, "DJ" <www.aarrrrggghhh!!!.com>
> wrote:
>
>>A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky
>>clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because
>>you
>>have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
>>The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
>>over
>>anytime I want."
>>The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
>>challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach
>>the
>>bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will
>>nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for
>>me
>>to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and
>>think
>>of something that could possibly help mankind."
>>The biker thought about it for a long time.
>>
>>
>>Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our
>>wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she
>>gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says
>>nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
>>
>>The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
>>
>>>
>>
>
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