| Wal-Mart job app...;o) [message #92017] |
Fri, 26 October 2007 01:37  |
rick
Messages: 1976
Registered: February 2006
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Senior Member |
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This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
submitted to Walmart in Arkansas .
They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME: Jack Buckley (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one
who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying here in the first place ?
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we
can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would
be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be
a winner of the Publishers Clearing Ho use Sweepstakes, so they tell
me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm
the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing
that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
*** Old People Rock! ***
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| Re: Wal-Mart job app...;o) [message #92021 is a reply to message #92017] |
Fri, 26 October 2007 02:03  |
Kerr Mathieson
Messages: 39
Registered: September 2008
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Member |
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'NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles'
definitely the best bit for me!
"rick" <parnell68@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:6p93i35mn3lns30kuapv5gv1a6dsurclni@4ax.com...
> This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
> submitted to Walmart in Arkansas .
> They hired him because he was so funny.....
> NAME: Jack Buckley (Grumpy Bastard)
> SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one
> who will cooperate)
> DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But
> seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
> wouldn't be applying here in the first place ?
> DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
> style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we
> can haggle.
> EDUCATION: Yes.
> LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
> PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
> post-it notes.
> REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
> PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
> more intimate environment.
> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
> LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
> DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would
> be "Do you have a car that runs?"
> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be
> a winner of the Publishers Clearing Ho use Sweepstakes, so they tell
> me.
> DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
> with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm
> the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing
> that now.
> NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
> KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
> *** Old People Rock! ***
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