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Joke of the Week - I'll go first [message #89933]

Mon, 17 September 2007 16:34

dc[3]
Messages: 895
Registered: September 2005

Senior Member

What do you get when you cross Lassie with a Pit Bull?

A dog who chews your arm off....

Then runs to get help....

DC

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Re: Joke of the Week - I'll go first [message #89935 is a reply to message #89933]

Tue, 18 September 2007 01:50

rick

Messages: 1976
Registered: February 2006

Senior Member

Jimmy, who at age 72, is a Wal-Mart greeter:

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman
walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them
all
the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good
morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are
they twins?"The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to
say, "Hell no, they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind or
just stupid?"
"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied
the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a
good
day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

On 18 Sep 2007 09:34:18 +1000, "DC" <dc@spammersinhell.com> wrote:

>
>What do you get when you cross Lassie with a Pit Bull?
>
>
>
>A dog who chews your arm off....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Then runs to get help....
>
>
>
>
>DC

Report message to a moderator

Re: Joke of the Week - I'll go first [message #89936 is a reply to message #89933]

Tue, 18 September 2007 02:12

Don Nafe

Messages: 1206
Registered: July 2005

Senior Member

A British couple, an Irish couple and a Scottish couple are at the links
ready to tee off.The Brit's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over
to place ball a
gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Allo! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any!"

The Brit immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of
St. Paul, here's $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt
blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.

Bejesus woman! You've no knickers! Why not?"

She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me!" He reaches
into his pocket and says,

"For the sake of St. Patrick,here's $20. Go and buy yourself some
underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over
her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.

"Hoots mon woman! Why d'ye have nae knickers?"

She too explains, "You nae give me enough housekeeping money to be able to
afford any!"

The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of St. Andrew,
lass, here's a comb.

Tidy yourself up a wee bit."

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Re: Joke of the Week - I'll go first [message #89937 is a reply to message #89933]

Tue, 18 September 2007 05:34

Sarah

Messages: 608
Registered: February 2007

Senior Member

A guy goes to a psychiatrist and tells him, "Doc, nobody'll talk to me!"

The psychiatrist says, "Next!"

S

"DC" <dc@spammersinhell.com> wrote in message news:46ef0efa$1@linux...
>
> What do you get when you cross Lassie with a Pit Bull?
>
>
>
> A dog who chews your arm off....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Then runs to get help....
>
>
>
>
> DC
>

Report message to a moderator

Re: Joke of the Week - I'll go first [message #89938 is a reply to message #89937]

Tue, 18 September 2007 09:15

George Axon
Messages: 14
Registered: July 2005

Junior Member

A naked guy goes to a psychiatrist wrapped in Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist
says: "I can clearly see you're nuts"

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Re: Joke of the Week - I'll go first [message #89939 is a reply to message #89938]

Tue, 18 September 2007 09:36

John [1]
Messages: 2229
Registered: September 2005

Senior Member

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed
by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that
moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what
it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair
rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and
the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the
boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped
out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

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Re: Joke of the Week - I'll go first [message #89984 is a reply to message #89933]

Wed, 19 September 2007 11:49

xpam_mark

Messages: 126
Registered: March 2007

Senior Member

A bear and a rabbit are poopin in the woods. The bear says to the rabbit,
"You have trouble with this stuff stickin to your fur?" The rabbit says,
"Nope!" So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes with him.

WMW

"DC" <dc@spammersinhell.com> wrote in message news:46ef0efa$1@linux...
>
> What do you get when you cross Lassie with a Pit Bull?
>
>
>
> A dog who chews your arm off....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Then runs to get help....
>
>
>
>
> DC
>

Report message to a moderator

Re: Joke of the Week - I'll go first [message #90022 is a reply to message #89939]

Wed, 19 September 2007 22:34

John Macy
Messages: 242
Registered: April 2006

Senior Member

Why are there no banjos in Star Trek?

'Cause it's the future....

"John" <no@no.com> wrote:
>
>An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed
>by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls
that
>moved apart and back together again by themselves.
>
>The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
>
>The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what
>it is."
>
>While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair
>rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and
>the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the
>boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
>
>The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped
>out.
>
>The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

Report message to a moderator

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